Hello........anyone there........oh hello God, *drops to knees* Ummm its me.....yeah the short girl from kent.....do you remember me?
Sometimes I feel like God has lost my address...I often feel like I've been forgotten. I mean if i have, its understandable I mean he is looking after a LOT of people..but sometimes I ask myself..what about me?
This question comes to me often when it comes to my acting. When you decide to become an Actor you are setting up yourself for a lot of disappointments, a lot of tears and often a lot of "giving up" moments. The problem with those "giving up" moments is that for a real actor, I mean, a real passionate, can't do anything else, this is my life actor these moments don't last long. Then the vicious circle begins again. You get a call from your agent and find out you have an audition.....*drop to knees* Say a prayer "Lord let this be the one"....You have a GREAT audition....you await the phonecall.....you get a callback....callback goes GREAT.......you await the phonecall.........Agent calls and says its between you and someone else.......*drop to knees* Say a prayer * "Thank you lord...ahhh please let this be the one"........You await the phonecall........Agent calls and says "Sorry, they decided to go with the other girl" *pause*.
Usually in that moment the disappointment sinks in, it usually feels like a tight knot in the stomach and you just wanna go to the office of the casting director and ask them why? You wanna cry but then you feel silly because you know its not gonna change anything and almost within a second you ask yourself "Why the hell did I pick this job?
For me I usually need a whole day to drown in my sorrows....a day to have a one on one with God and ask him why I never book the job that I want? Why did I pick this job? Why was I even given the desire to Act?
.......I don't usually get a direct answer but over the past year or so I've learnt something. God will never give you something that you can't handle. How can I appreciate a job if I haven't gone through a range of disappointments?
My dad taught me to Change disappointments into Experiences and then Change experiences into a Success. If I don't have experiences what story will I have to tell?
So in the end I have realised that God hasn't forgot about me, In fact he is moulding me. He is making me into a woman that will have a story to tell to encourage others behind her, a woman that can trust in him and have faith in what she cannot see, a woman that will get to the top and stay there because she knows how hard it was for her to get there.....
