I'm beginning to think that God has lost my address....

Hello........anyone there........oh hello God, *drops to knees* Ummm its me.....yeah the short girl from kent.....do you remember me?

Sometimes I feel like God has lost my address...I often feel like I've been forgotten. I mean if i have, its understandable I mean he is looking after a LOT of people..but sometimes I ask myself..what about me?

This question comes to me often when it comes to my acting. When you decide to become an Actor you are setting up yourself for a lot of disappointments, a lot of tears and often a lot of "giving up" moments. The problem with those "giving up" moments is that for a real actor, I mean, a real passionate, can't do anything else, this is my life actor these moments don't last long. Then the vicious circle begins again. You get a call from your agent and find out you have an audition.....*drop to knees* Say a prayer "Lord let this be the one"....You have a GREAT audition....you await the phonecall.....you get a callback....callback goes GREAT.......you await the phonecall.........Agent calls and says its between you and someone else.......*drop to knees* Say a prayer * "Thank you lord...ahhh please let this be the one"........You await the phonecall........Agent calls and says "Sorry, they decided to go with the other girl" *pause*.

Usually in that moment the disappointment sinks in, it usually feels like a tight knot in the stomach and you just wanna go to the office of the casting director and ask them why? You wanna cry but then you feel silly because you know its not gonna change anything and almost within a second you ask yourself "Why the hell did I pick this job?

For me I usually need a whole day to drown in my sorrows....a day to have a one on one with God and ask him why I never book the job that I want? Why did I pick this job? Why was I even given the desire to Act?

.......I don't usually get a direct answer but over the past year or so I've learnt something. God will never give you something that you can't handle. How can I appreciate a job if I haven't gone through a range of disappointments?

My dad taught me to Change disappointments into Experiences and then Change experiences into a Success. If I don't have experiences what story will I have to tell?

So in the end I have realised that God hasn't forgot about me, In fact he is moulding me. He is making me into a woman that will have a story to tell to encourage others behind her, a woman that can trust in him and have faith in what she cannot see, a woman that will get to the top and stay there because she knows how hard it was for her to get there.....

My heart VS My head

Me vs Mr.Bigs...My Heart vs My head...Love vs Lust?

Is it true that if you think about someone every time that you wake up, its love? Is it true, that if you can’t handle looking into his eyes without your heart beating 100 times faster than normal that its love? Ok ok is it true, that if you can’t breathe every-time you think of the possibility that he could love someone else, that its love? Or would that mean that the girl that is experiencing all this is crazy?

I always thought that he was the one, from when I met him, I thought yep, this kid is the one, he just doesn't know it yet. But now I have to take in the fact that maybe he isn’t. Okay so if he isn’t why won’t he get out of my head? They say out of sight equals out of mind....Okaaaay.....but why didn’t this genius think of a phrase for if this person isn’t out of sight but needs to be out of mind?

Maybe I need to check into rehab, maybe i’m obsessed, maybe I just don’t like change, maybe I just keep thinking that one day he'll wake up and think i'm the one, maybe i've watched this episode waaaaay too many times......



My heart constantly leads me to him but my head keeps telling me that its not gonna ever happen...so which one am I supposed to believe? Real love isn’t supposed to be like this, this is how its supposed to be...He loves you, you love him, you agree you both love each other then you jump...........................................with hope the other person catches you but your not really thinking about that because your just enjoying the fall!

It may sound like a fairytale but look, its not supposed to be....He loves you, you love him, you both agree then he says that it can’t happen....who bloody wrote that film...would you see that shit? I wouldn’t see that shit! Its just not right!!!! So maybe it isn’t love at all, maybe its lust...Maybe he loves me but he’s not IN love with me?


Alright cool, I can live with that...its not so bad. *Pause* You see my head accepts that but my heart is having difficulties handling that new data. But Eff it! Its MY heart and it should do as I say...

Dear Heart,

Mr.Bigs is just a friend, you love eachother but in a friendly kind of way! One day you’ll both find people that you’ll fall madly in love with.....maybe Mr.Bigs has already found that person. Either way you need to woman up and be on to the next one, got it?

Yours truly,

Your owner

Dear Plain Jane, Do me a favor and purchase some mac or a weave.......

This blog is probably a bit random and maybe off topic from what i’ve been usually talking about but here goes.....

I have a real problem with girls that do not appreciate make-up and weave. Don’t get me wrong I think that natural beauty is a wonderful thing but lets be honest its boring. Once you get to a certain age I’m gonna need you to switch it up a bit, a ponytail will not do.

Now of course i’m not saying that everyday you should leave the house lashes popping, weave bouncing with louboutin heels but in saying that I feel like as a woman you should know the time and place.

If your going out to party with your girls, why do you choose this day to be plain jane? No-one cares about your “natural beauty”. If you don’t have good hair, own it, embrace it and throw on a weave. Why embarrass yourself, no-one needs to see how bad your hair is apart from your hairstylist....Throw on some eyeshadow to brighten your eyes, some blush to heighten your cheekbones, its okay!

Look, Its all very simple. While your at home being “Plain jane” your boyfriend is cheating on you with a Diva...i’m sorry but its true. Trust me, I know. Men are liars. They like to talk all this garbage about how they want a girl with all natural beauty, minimal make-up, no weave and blah blah blah *side eye* Hunny unless your caucasian, indian or literally have AH-mazing hair how about you delete that theory and throw on some remy! Its not a bad thing......at all!

I used to talk to a guy and for the purpose of this blog I’ll call him “Mr.Purple” and he literally hates weave...so everytime I went to see him I left my natural hair out...*sellout*...I just didn’t feel like myself, I felt so basic, I just couldn’t work it but in conclusion we didn’t work out...I hear he is now with a mixed raced, LONG HAIRED, EYELASH POPPING chicka......Need I say more?

My point is this, there is a place and a season for everything, if you can work the whole natural hair look then do it but if you aren’t as lucky and you look BORING..don’t be scared to throw on a weave and let that inner video vixen be free. Not everyone can be Amber Rose....Period! xoxo